Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Talking Zombie Plans

First- Yes, I live. I know. I know. I became a Girl Scout leader. It sucked up all my time (just ask Spouse). And yes, the irony of ME being in charge of the education of kids is not lost on me.

Today, I had a conversation with C. It was long, so I'll cut out the boring stuff (you're welcome...). It started with her telling me she plans to start getting all prepared for the zombie apocalypse. I pointed out how woefully unprepared her plan is. It went something like this:

Me:  You know, you have to have a survival plan in place for the family, too. Like, who do you sacrifice first so the rest of you can make a clean escape from a zombie horde?

Which person do you team up with in the family to plot against the others?

C:  Olivia is dead weight she is the fitst to go
lol jk cats 

I think we would be fine in the house for a while not to populated of an area

lots of water

wayne has boats, so they can fish

But who goes after the cats? And who ventures out of the house first to scavenge items from other near by houses? And what houses are in an alliance with each other?

C:  I have a garden use fence panels to cover windows

Me:  What if animals are effected, and fish are zombies, too?

C: maybe thats why the cat pissed in p's shoe ~~~ it is already a zombie
I am totally going to be a great zombie killer
You need to talk me out of this shit not into it

Me: You should have a stash of weapons in EVERY room with a window. Because what if you're on the shitter, and a a zombie busts in?

You should also work on cardio, because you don't have to outrun the zombies. You just have to out run the people next to you.

 C: LOL I am not planning on fleeing the house unless I need too. I have enough clothing in the van to live off for years lol. We also have the plus of Walmart keys and lots of shit I can use to my advantage

Me: Oh, and hidden trip wires in the ground. And random spikes. So if you are in the house, you can just knock the zombies off at the knees.

And a generator- so you have electricity when the power grid fails.

And lots of propane to cook on the grill with.

And lots of gas tanks for the genny.

Walmart only works if the zombies hit when the store is closed. If it hits while the store is opened, that's fucked.

Don't forget to stock up on dry shampoo.

C:  Stop!

Me: And condoms, because babies can't run.

You need an evacuation route, and plan. Actually 2-3. What if the zombies make it into the house? What if you can't get to Wayne's boat? Where will you go? How far can you drive if your gas wasn't full? Will you start parking the van IN the garage? That way, you can load it before you take off.
And what if you can't grab anything before you go and the route you want is over taken by zombies?
Once they start to spread, they'll be ALL over super fast.

Your neighbor could go to Walmart for bread, and come home a zombie, then the whole neighborhood is fucked.
All because of bread. Fucking bread.

 C: I  am preparing lol

Me:  Can you carry all three kids and run, while fighting off a horde? What do you do? If you have 3 kids, 1 knife, and 6 zombies attacking, with no shelter in site, what's your first move?

C:  Trip P

Me: No Paul. Just you, the kids, and 6 zombies.

Minion 1 said go to the camping section of Walmart, and get a $5 machete. With your discount, even better. 

She also said you can start cutting fingers off the kids to toss as zombie treats

 And mostly? This is only part of a really epic day.

Monday, August 27, 2012

I love you, my Orphans

This summer, I was a bad blog mom. I abandoned all of you. I was gone non-stop, and I was never writing down my awesomely hilarious little quirky moments. Well, awesomely hilarious in my own little mind. Quirky in everyone's mind.

A quick numbers run down of summer:

8 Amusement Park visits (season passes)
2 Indoor Waterpark visits
1 Trip to splash in waterfalls
1 Island visit
3 Great Lakes
3 States
2 Trips to Chicago
2 Historical Villages
2 Girl Scout events
1 Wedding
1 Garage Sale
Lots of Alcohol
1 misplaced license
1 found license
1 new replacement license

So, here are some pictures from the summer I had.


I photographed the wedding of my friend C's sister.

Spent a fun day on Lake Michigan with my aunt and Minion 1, plus some friends and family

Went to Traverse City for 3 days with my daughter's girl scout troop!


Spent most of a week being wild and crazy up north in Michigan. I took my 2 girls, and my niece and we camped. We were stuck in a tent during 2 nasty thunder storms. We played in waterfalls. We stuck our toes in Lake Michigan, Lake Huron, and Lake Superior- 3 great lakes in 1 week!

Spouse and I took Minion 2 and 3 to Chicago to the Museum of Science and Industry. Long day, but lots of fun!


Spent a fun weekend with my mom at her house, which sits on a small lake. Worked hard doing a yard sale, and played even harder at night- boats, swimming, drinking, and partying!

Took the girls to Grand Haven for the Coast Guard Festival- swam, walked the pier, walked the boardwalk, watched the musical fountain, and had a blast!


Spent a few days camping in Muskegon with Minion 3, my cousin, and her daughter. Followed this up with a day of just Minion 3 and me in Ludington on the beach. We shopped, we walked a mile out to a lighthouse, and went up in it!

We also just spent a busy weekend driving all over. On Saturday, Spouse and I took Minion 3 to a Girl Scout event in Dearborn at Ford's Greenfield Village. We had a blast, and enjoyed a great day.

Then on Sunday, I drove back to Chicago with Minion 3, my friend K, and her two kids, J & C. We went back to the MSI for the day.

It has been a LONG busy summer. And Fall is shaping up to be busy- I volunteered to be Minion 3's co-leader for her Girl Scout troop. I figure, I'm already helping out on every event, might as well show up for all the meetings, as well! ;)

With that, I already have 3 weekends away from home planned from mid-September until early November. Meanwhile, Spouse has to go out of town for 3-5 days for work in October. He might wind up in Anaheim, CA or DC, or NYC. Or, Ohio. Yes, the choices!

If it's Anaheim? I'm TOTALLY fucking crashing that trip, and spending a few days at Disneyland. ;)

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Mind Power, Todd, Mind Power

In Christmas Story (arguably one of the best pieces of motion picture history ever, or at least, in my house at Christmas time), the Old Man unveils his Major Award to the street by lighting that sucker up in the front window at night.

When his neighbor asks how he won it, he says "Mind power, Svede, mind power."

And that, apparently, is how women in this century get pregnant. Mind power.

Like, you can totally be laying there, and decide with the power of your mind, that it's just not the right time to get knocked up. Or maybe you decide, THIS IS IT! Time to get knocked up! In the family way!

Yes, this is in response to Akin's backwoods comments regarding women, rape, and pregnancy.

I'll spare you from the political theatrics. We all have seen it, we all have heard most of the great one liners, and we all have our own thoughts as to whether or not Akin belongs in a mental institution. I lean towards yes.

Mostly, what I have kicking around in my head, is the vision of a woman squinting her eyes in concentration (not in orgasmic bliss, mind you), with two fingers pressed to her temples as she tries to decide- "Baby yes, or no? Hmm..."

Who needs birth control? Us women? We have mind power, Todd, mind power.

Hell... I think I'll start working on that whole period thing. Because after 3 minions? I have no need for it. Why do I keep torturing myself with it? Must ditch that before next month. Yes, exactly.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Meijer Throwing Cheese

Lorelei is like cheese- she gets better with age. This quote prompted Minion 1 to scoff and say, "Cheese does NOT get better with time."

I then explained that GOOD cheese is aged, and thus, gets better with time. Not cheese slices from Meijer (a local super store, similar to a super Walmart). Because cheese slices just get hard, and become weapons.

You know, like Chinese Throwing Stars. Only, Cheese. Like Meijer Fighting Cheese.

We decided that we should set up a room to age our cheese slices, but only, we're going to cut it into shapes with cookie cutters first. This way, it'll be pretty aged cheese. Aged in the way that it grows completely rock hard, and will thus become a weapon.

We are going to be in big business with this whole underground weapons trading thing.


We are totally going to spray paint them, add glitter, and spray em down with perfume. PRETTY weapons, people. PRETTY!

Friday, July 20, 2012

Chicago, I am invading you *UPDATED*

Planned a trip with the Minions to head to Chicago for 36 whole hours of fun. Well, actually, more like 18. The rest is bus city for us. Minion 3 is my little Aspie. She has a huge love for all things Myth Buster related.

Right now, the Science & Industry Museum (which also happens to be by favorite museum) has a Myth Busters exhibit that closes in early September. Time is running out. So today, I sat down and started figuring it out.

We found a bus route on Megabus.com that will cost us each $7 to get there, and $9 to get back. I would likely spend less on gas than $64, but then there's parking. And driving in Chicago. And being frustrated. So, for $64, I'll take a bus.

The bus leaves at 2:15am, so we just won't go to bed before getting on it. Hell, the kids have been staying up late for summer anyway, so 2am won't kill them. Then, we arrive at 6am, Chicago time, which is really fucking early.

I'm planning to eat breakfast at Union Station and take our sweet ass time before finding a bus to get us down to the museum. The museum doesn't open until 9:30am, though, so we'll have some time to kill as we wait.

Here's hoping that we don't wind up in a gang war while we wait. Or get mugged at knife point. Or have some random group break out into song and dance around us. Mostly that last one, please and thank you.

The bus route only has 3 available departure times from Chicago. 7am, 3:30pm, and Midnight. 3:30 is not very late- we would only be at the museum for about 4 hours once you add in public transport time. So, screw that, we're staying until Midnight!

We won't get home until 5am our time. I'll be crawling into bed around the time spouse is waking up to go to work. But we should be able to sleep most of the way home easily enough.

To kill time after the museum, I'm thinking of taking the kids to Navy Pier, as it's open fairly late, and it's close to Union Station.

(I only know this, because Google has a kick ass Public Transport map that gives me the bus numbers, times, and routes- go Google!). Also, Magnificant Mile is nearby, and has a Disney (YES!) store, and a Lego Store. So, probably stop by those two shops, then head over to the pier.

It'll be a Wed, and at 9:30 every Wed, the pier has fireworks. That'll leave us enough time to catch a bus to Union Station, and wait for our bus before heading home. It'll be a long full day of walking and fun, though.


This is what happens when I plan my posts in advance. I forget all about them, and don't change them. Way to go, moron me.

Plans changed just last night. We are driving down tomorrow, instead of taking a bus in 2 weeks. The cost went up as I waited for pay day, so the bus lost out. I think the bus would be great- if you plan your trip 2-3 months ahead of time. But, we were on a tight budget, so it really made things tighter than I wanted for the trip.

Spouse is going with us, but Minion 1 opted out of the trip to spend the night with her friend. I am, however, planning to go back with Minion 1 and my aunt in September to just spend a day kicking around and having fun.

We drive down, spend the day at the museum, maybe see 1 or 2 other things quickly, then we're heading out, and stopping at the sand dunes in Indiana on our way home. It's about a 3 hour drive, so it's totally doable in a day. As long as we leave Indiana by around 9-10pm, I'm good. I'll just suck down Monster on the way.

Anyone in the Dunes area of Indiana willing to point me towards a kitschy tourist area?