Tonight, I'm drunk tweeting in the New Year, and prostitweeting myself out for new followers. One of my things is posting stupid ass shit that will likely get you arrested, shot, or even more drunk if you actually do it.
Here's the list.
(I'm on drink 3)
1. Drunk Christmas Carol your neighbors at 11pm. Accept any and all invites for free drinks.
2. Order a pizza for your babysitter. Include a note: "Shh... they're watching you..." Wait for freaked out phone call.
3. Go back and Drunk carol another neighbor. This time, add another song for each free drink.
4. Take a Bath. In your neighbor's tub. Ask for a scrubbie for your back.
5. Rent a monkey. Because WHY NOT?!?
6. Call McDonalds. Ask if they deliver. Prepare a lengthy closing argument as to why they should consider delivery.
7. Post a vlog love letter. At the end, reveal that the letter is to your phone company. SWAK!
8. Start a drunk tweet NYE party.
9. Dress the cat up in a Snowman costume. Remember that you hate animals in clothing.
....also? I was Twitter Jailed on NYE. Which at first, was a goal, and sounded cool. Now? I have NO ONE to tweet with!
My accounts can be found here:
@AnnaNonamus <----everyday fucked up crazy ass shit account
@JailedAnna <----my "I was too chatty today" account
HAPPY NEW YEAR, Ya'll!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
Nothing Makes You Crave Therapy Like Christmas and Family
Seriously- if you get through the holiday season without wanting to strangle SOMEONE in your family, then you must have some seriously happy meds by your side.
The kids had a great holiday. And of course, I didn't escape unscathed. I came through being stuck in the middle of people being pissy over stuff they can't control. So, I've decided that my New Year's resolution is to start my year off without the drama. Without the PITA people. Without their problems.
I have 2 special needs kids. Trust me- I have my hands full when it comes to problems. I don't heap them on other people, and I'd appreciate not having their problems heaped on me.
The kids had a great holiday. And of course, I didn't escape unscathed. I came through being stuck in the middle of people being pissy over stuff they can't control. So, I've decided that my New Year's resolution is to start my year off without the drama. Without the PITA people. Without their problems.
I have 2 special needs kids. Trust me- I have my hands full when it comes to problems. I don't heap them on other people, and I'd appreciate not having their problems heaped on me.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Shopping... at 3am
I've got some sinus problems. My go-to medicine for this issue is usually liquid Tylenol Cold- the blue shit that tastes like propane. Actually, that's what we call it, Propane. I have a hypersensitivity to a lot of cold medicines- one of the main active ingredients leaves me buzzed feeling and out of it for days. I've never had that issue with Sudafed or Tylenol Cold. Until last night.
Tylenol must have changed out their active ingredients. I took it at 6:30pm. By 7pm, I was passed. the. fuck. out. I mean, I was so dead, Spouse had to try and remove my glasses, and all I could say in reply was an unintelligible slur. There may have been drool involved.
So, when I woke up at 2am wide awake and perky, I needed something to do. Then, I found Minion 1 was wide awake in her room, so we decided to go shopping. At 3am. In my polar bear PJ's. Fashion- I do it right.
We got stuck waiting on a long ass train, though, and as I complained about the cold, M1 mentioned that it was my fault. I don't know how it got here, but part of our conversation went like this.
Minion 1: You made me put my bra on at 3 in the morning!
Me: I didn't make you put a bra on, Hell! I don't even have PANTS on!
We wound up getting some last minute, not needed, Christmas gifts, and sugar cookies. See, I made sugar cookie bars this week, and they're already freakin gone. I'm in LOVE with them as thick bars- SOOO tasty. That was actually the whole reason for the trip.
The downer came when we got to the check out and I couldn't find my debit card. The debit card I last saw in my back jeans pocket. Which I didn't wear. FUCK.
Tossed all the shit on a credit card, though, so.. yay? Blah.
Now it's almost 11:30. We're waiting on the bank for our car. Did I tell you about the car? No, not the one that blew up. The new one. We found a new car- a 2010 Ford Fusion. Even I'm in shock- I was expecting a 2005 Dodge POS of some sort. We didn't expect to find a car this new in our price range. It's roomy- bigger than either of the Micro Machines.
We're getting it at $10,500. KBB in "Fair" condition is $14,000, and this car was quiet, smooth, clean, etc. The only down side was high mileage, but it was a company lease car- it was driven a lot of highway miles.
But the bank... We qualify for it. We just haven't gotten full approval yet. Thursday, we went in and got pre-approved. We drove to 3 different places, and fell in love with this one, so we started the work to get approved. The loan officer never told us we needed a signed purchase agreement, and the guy selling the car wasn't there when we test drove it (it's from a 1 man small dealership- his buddy was there and let us drive it).
Friday, we knew the loan officer was off for Christmas, but she said she'd make sure her manager knew what was going on, and would push it through. Spouse worked till noon, and when he got home, we opted to stop into the bank directly. The manager knew next to nothing about it, but submitted the numbers for us.
If we had known then that we needed the purchase agreement, we'd have gotten it at like 2pm. Instead, she didn't call back to tell us that until 3:30pm. Drove over there, got it, faxed it, but it was late enough in the day, that the underwriters have not approved them to cut us the check for the car.
She said "Oh, tomorrow for sure!"
.....it's 11:28am. Bank closes at 12:00noon. We called at 10 to ask if she'd heard back, and she said, "No, but I'm not sure they're open today. Probably Tuesday!"
......
The car dealer is out Tuesday for knee surgery.
So, probably Wed or Thursday now.
I'm kind of upset- had ANYONE told us on Thursday to get the signed purchase agreement, we could have gotten a hold of the guy, and gotten it, and submitted the paperwork on Thursday. Now, SPouse has to drive my car this week- and it's got it's own issues. I want that car worked on this week while our neighbor mechanic is at home all week, so it is driveable.
And hey, it'll be our luck that the damn car will die while we wait for the loan to go through, and we'll be down to no cars. FUCK THAT.
So not happy with this whole thing. Almost wishing we'd gone through a dealer for the loan, even though I know we would have gotten jacked on it.
Last, but not least:
MERRY CHRISTMAS, Ya'll!
Tylenol must have changed out their active ingredients. I took it at 6:30pm. By 7pm, I was passed. the. fuck. out. I mean, I was so dead, Spouse had to try and remove my glasses, and all I could say in reply was an unintelligible slur. There may have been drool involved.
So, when I woke up at 2am wide awake and perky, I needed something to do. Then, I found Minion 1 was wide awake in her room, so we decided to go shopping. At 3am. In my polar bear PJ's. Fashion- I do it right.
We got stuck waiting on a long ass train, though, and as I complained about the cold, M1 mentioned that it was my fault. I don't know how it got here, but part of our conversation went like this.
Minion 1: You made me put my bra on at 3 in the morning!
Me: I didn't make you put a bra on, Hell! I don't even have PANTS on!
We wound up getting some last minute, not needed, Christmas gifts, and sugar cookies. See, I made sugar cookie bars this week, and they're already freakin gone. I'm in LOVE with them as thick bars- SOOO tasty. That was actually the whole reason for the trip.
The downer came when we got to the check out and I couldn't find my debit card. The debit card I last saw in my back jeans pocket. Which I didn't wear. FUCK.
Tossed all the shit on a credit card, though, so.. yay? Blah.
Now it's almost 11:30. We're waiting on the bank for our car. Did I tell you about the car? No, not the one that blew up. The new one. We found a new car- a 2010 Ford Fusion. Even I'm in shock- I was expecting a 2005 Dodge POS of some sort. We didn't expect to find a car this new in our price range. It's roomy- bigger than either of the Micro Machines.
We're getting it at $10,500. KBB in "Fair" condition is $14,000, and this car was quiet, smooth, clean, etc. The only down side was high mileage, but it was a company lease car- it was driven a lot of highway miles.
But the bank... We qualify for it. We just haven't gotten full approval yet. Thursday, we went in and got pre-approved. We drove to 3 different places, and fell in love with this one, so we started the work to get approved. The loan officer never told us we needed a signed purchase agreement, and the guy selling the car wasn't there when we test drove it (it's from a 1 man small dealership- his buddy was there and let us drive it).
Friday, we knew the loan officer was off for Christmas, but she said she'd make sure her manager knew what was going on, and would push it through. Spouse worked till noon, and when he got home, we opted to stop into the bank directly. The manager knew next to nothing about it, but submitted the numbers for us.
If we had known then that we needed the purchase agreement, we'd have gotten it at like 2pm. Instead, she didn't call back to tell us that until 3:30pm. Drove over there, got it, faxed it, but it was late enough in the day, that the underwriters have not approved them to cut us the check for the car.
She said "Oh, tomorrow for sure!"
.....it's 11:28am. Bank closes at 12:00noon. We called at 10 to ask if she'd heard back, and she said, "No, but I'm not sure they're open today. Probably Tuesday!"
......
The car dealer is out Tuesday for knee surgery.
So, probably Wed or Thursday now.
I'm kind of upset- had ANYONE told us on Thursday to get the signed purchase agreement, we could have gotten a hold of the guy, and gotten it, and submitted the paperwork on Thursday. Now, SPouse has to drive my car this week- and it's got it's own issues. I want that car worked on this week while our neighbor mechanic is at home all week, so it is driveable.
And hey, it'll be our luck that the damn car will die while we wait for the loan to go through, and we'll be down to no cars. FUCK THAT.
So not happy with this whole thing. Almost wishing we'd gone through a dealer for the loan, even though I know we would have gotten jacked on it.
Last, but not least:
MERRY CHRISTMAS, Ya'll!
Monday, December 19, 2011
Death of a Micro Machine
This past weekend was Holiday Purgatory for us. 4 Christmas parties over 2 days, all of them 75+ miles from home. In 2 different directions.
The first 3 are near each other- we did those Saturday, stayed with my mom Saturday night, then headed up to the 4th party on Sunday. It's about 75 miles away to the first 3. Then 75 miles from there to the next party. Then, from there, about 85 miles back home.
Because we drive two tiny cars, we took 2 cars this time. The boys rocked the micromachine, and the girls rocked the gold whatever. I've never nick-named my car. So on the way home from party number 4, Spouse called roughly 25 miles from home. The conversation went something like this.
Spouse: Are we close to home?
Me: About 20 minutes, why, you need a bathroom?
Spouse: No, car is making a funny noise, I think I should OH FUCK THE CAR JUST WENT!!
At this point, I glanced back in the rear-view mirror to see him swerving off to the side, and sparks shooting out from under the car.
Oh. Fuck. Me.
Girls freaked out, I told Spouse I'd turn around at the next exit, and come back behind him, because I was quarter of a mile ahead of him. He called back a few minutes later- his engine blew, something blew OFF the engine (hence the sparks I saw as it shot out the bottom of his car and down the road), and it was on fire, though he got it put out.
We waited about 30 minutes for a tow truck, and got it home, but it's fucked. It's not worth the cost to drop an engine in, so we're car shopping this week.
Anyone got an amazing deal on an awesome fucking car they'll sell for the $20 we have in our checking account?
No?
Shocking. :D
The first 3 are near each other- we did those Saturday, stayed with my mom Saturday night, then headed up to the 4th party on Sunday. It's about 75 miles away to the first 3. Then 75 miles from there to the next party. Then, from there, about 85 miles back home.
Because we drive two tiny cars, we took 2 cars this time. The boys rocked the micromachine, and the girls rocked the gold whatever. I've never nick-named my car. So on the way home from party number 4, Spouse called roughly 25 miles from home. The conversation went something like this.
Spouse: Are we close to home?
Me: About 20 minutes, why, you need a bathroom?
Spouse: No, car is making a funny noise, I think I should OH FUCK THE CAR JUST WENT!!
At this point, I glanced back in the rear-view mirror to see him swerving off to the side, and sparks shooting out from under the car.
Oh. Fuck. Me.
Girls freaked out, I told Spouse I'd turn around at the next exit, and come back behind him, because I was quarter of a mile ahead of him. He called back a few minutes later- his engine blew, something blew OFF the engine (hence the sparks I saw as it shot out the bottom of his car and down the road), and it was on fire, though he got it put out.
We waited about 30 minutes for a tow truck, and got it home, but it's fucked. It's not worth the cost to drop an engine in, so we're car shopping this week.
Anyone got an amazing deal on an awesome fucking car they'll sell for the $20 we have in our checking account?
No?
Shocking. :D
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Holiday Goodies
This past weekend, I took Minion 1 and 3 over to my Mom's and we baked the shit out of the weekend. We made some great things. Some good things. Some cruddy things. And we may have even fucked a few things up.
But we walked away with like 800 pounds of holiday sugar, so pretty much the weekend was a win. Here are a few winners from the weekend.
But we walked away with like 800 pounds of holiday sugar, so pretty much the weekend was a win. Here are a few winners from the weekend.
SOOO easy- buy pre-made dough in the break-apart cubes. Put 1 cube in each cavity in a mini-muffin tin. Bake as directed. When they get out, stuff it with a chocolate candy. We used Hugs, Peanut Butter Cups, and Rolo's. All of them are nummy.
Kids went nuts for these, and they were super easy. Making more up this week with peppermint candy canes. Make hot cocoa, stir with the marshmallow, drink. Tada- extra chocolatey, peppermint cocoa.
Minion 1 was NOT impressed that she had to be awake.
Some of the best handmade peanut butter cups ever. The secret? Even the chocolate has PB in it.
Giving the gift of the "Candy Jar" to someone? Dress up the candies with stickers. I used the little 2/$.99 holiday sticker books from Walgreens to decorate the left over Rolo's, Hugs, and Peanut Butter Cups.
Left overs! I have LOTS of stuff left over to make stuff at home!
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