Then there was that one time... (Updated)

Last night, Spouse got home, and I needed O.U.T. of the house. Mostly, I needed to go to the store, and I've been without a debit card for like 3 weeks now. Long story short? My card expires today, but the week before I went to Disney, it started getting rejected about 50% of the time I tried to use it at stores. Then, when I WENT to Disney, I didn't bring it, just because it's fucking useless. However, I was getting emails left and right from our auto paid bills, the card was being rejected. Amazon even rejected it.

What. The. Fuck.

Little more background? I'd asked back in fucking JANUARY if I would need a replacement prior to going to Disney. No, I was assured I would have NO ISSUES using a card up to the 29th of February.

Then when I lost the bitch when my car ATE it, I panicked, and asked where my card was. That was in February- they said I should have had it, it was mailed in January. Uh. No, it wasn't. They said they'd order a replacement. Now, I did manage to get the card back that was eaten, so no harm.

So when I went in last week to ask where the fuck the replacement was, I was told it wasn't on record as being ordered. Seriously?!?! Why is it my job to harass the poor employees at the bank just to get a fucking replacement card?

My new card has FINALLY arrived, but it's STILL not the original one that was shipped in January. They ordered me a whole new number and everything. What? I have to memorize a new fucking number?!?! Because I DO have my bank number memorized.

Oh. I was talking about something completely different when I started to type, wasn't I?

So last night, I needed to get the hell away from my kids, so Spouse and I went to the store, then "out to eat" in the fancy, upscale place, Le Cloche de Taco. Or, to you commoners, Taco Bell. Yes, I went there. As in the French translation.

After I ordered my highly stylized version of a taco, the "waitress" cheerfully took Spouse's order, and made the comment that his included veggies. So, of course I had to comment and let our "waitress" know that the only reason my taco was green-free, was because I totally gave up Veggies for Lent.

And then, we got a mini lecture on how that's not how lent works, but BULL SHIT. You give up what you want to for Lent. That's how Jesus works. You give shit up, you stick to it, and then, you get to eat all the chocolate you want with 40 virgins up in Valhalla with Thor, and also the Iron Man.

Then, Spouse (who, btw, was raised Catholic, and attended a Catholic school from 5th-12th grade) started a conversation with me.

Spouse: I can't believe I take you out in public. 

Me: You're laughing, you can't claim you don't like hearing me talk.

Spouse: Do you even know WHY you give stuff up for Lent?

Me: (And this is where I totally made shit up, but I'm pretty sure Spouse didn't realize that)- It's because Heysus (Spanish for Jesus- look it up!) was like locked in a cage for a month, or something.

Spouse: .....

Me: I know. I really shouldn't be around Religious people.

Spouse: I was just going to go with People, but all right.


And, just to add some gas to the flames that will surround me in hell, do you know what you get when you google Spanish Jesus?

Awesomeness. You get awesomeness.

You get the Taliban Jesus first up, with a turban.

Then, you get Jesus with the thorns, and NOT a Game of Thrones.

Then, you get some guy who isn't bad looking, who is wearing some sort of sporting uniform. Probably because he's into sports.

Then, you get a bull tossing some matador into the air with his horns.

And lastly, you get this cool ass dude who is all throwing gang signs or something.

**I may be wrong about the gang signs, but to be fair, I'm not in a gang, so I rely on others to tell me for sure.


Also? Because Topless Jared Padalecki is one of the TOP reasons people find my blog, I thought I would reward them, while also bringing in new people to this post.

 Topless, Angel Jared. Yes, please. I bet HE'S in Valhalla waiting for me.

****UPDATED

So, I just have to let ya'll know that Jared, Thor, and The Iron Man don't count as virgins.

I'm almost positive my 40 virgins are like... kittens, or something.